these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
