we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
