So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize