I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
