I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
