I'm really into asian looking animals
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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