i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i came on her dog
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
