We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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