it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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