Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
