census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
