I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
im on a boat
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