never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
