i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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