the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i love accidental penises.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize