It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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