i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
