Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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