it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
