Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
