Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
