atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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