for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
