my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
