there's paper in my vomit.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
