Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
