Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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