Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
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Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
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Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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