Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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