You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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