If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize