Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
