lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
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He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
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First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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