Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you inspire me to be a worse person
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Randomize
