my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
