I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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