I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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