Quick, to the slutcave!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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