She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
