My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
