Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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