its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
