I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
