Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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