yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
