So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
