Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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