Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
