i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
