Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
