Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
