I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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