I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
