Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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