U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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