Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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