So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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