He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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