I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize