Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
