Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
