i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
