i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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