did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
