I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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