Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize