Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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