so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
