He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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