K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
