i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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