she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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