i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
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