So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
