I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
