you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
